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Hey, wassup? Now I'm a guy that's been glum most of his life, to the point, that it has sucked the life out of me, which in turn makes me suck the life out of others. (self-deprecating joke) But with the advent of change that I'm doing with myself (previous post, with my one year challenge), I find it both hard and not hard. The hard part is, of course, to rewire my brain. The easy part is how I see the connections and how all these things that I've heard and listened to in the past are some stuff that I'm hearing again, but never practiced. Obviously, to rewire your brain means to think in a different way, and I saw some of that when I went to a Toastmasters meeting. Truth be told, while I think differently to a lot of people, it's plateaued. A kick, a nudge, a push, is all I needed. And what most need. And I've been getting that from a bunch of people in the past two months, yet some ideas come at random, I guess, from seeing stuff in a different environment rather that a one-on-one chat. One such idea is the pen sketch that I'm adding below. Somebody else told me to write jokes about myself, which is something I don't do or talk about, and it spurred me to do some other stuff, plus actually write jokes, which I haven't been doing. Now, in regards to self-confidence, you might be thinking "but Adrian, you write and have done a lot of stuff on stage, surely you need some confidence for that." Yeah, but not always. A long time ago, like 8 years ago, when I was part of a Romanian student theatre called Podul (The Bridge), we had the late great teacher Catalin Naum, and he asked me and another guy why we want to act. While we came with a bunch of answers, he spoke up "Because you have something to say." And that's been something I've guided myself with. Regardless how you feel about my stuff, I do generally have something to say, even when I was in depression or close to anorexia, I still had something to say, just not a platform to say it on. More recently, I've seen myself talk and get helpful tips on how to improve, on a confidence level, or rather, on the self-love department. Not to be confused with the love department. They're different things. Findings some strengths and things that I like is easy. Finding something nice to say about myself is hard. Saying that in the mirror is next to impossible at the minute. Why? It feels insincere. I know a girl that does that and she radiates. There's a story about two potted plants. One plant has niceties told, like you're lovely, you have nice petals, a strong green colour, and whatever compliment you can think of. The other plant has only bad things said to it, like you're poison, you're scum, you attract ants, I hope you die. The first one grows to be beautiful, whereas the second whittles away until it's no more. I, for the most part of my life, have been the second one, and it's been much easier for me to write the bad things than the compliments above. As you can see, it's hard. Not impossible, but hard to change myself. However, I'm having a positive attitude at the moment, and that's what I (and you, if you're like this) to have. Until next time, George, out.
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AuthorWriting fictional stories or about real life people and situations. Archives
August 2021
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Photos used under Creative Commons from TheDyslexicBook.com, edenpictures, [email protected], jurvetson, vwcampin, elias silveira ilustrador, pom'., Jimmy Benson, EpicTop10.com, MEDIODESCOCIDO, Brett Jordan, amslerPIX, jaypen_g, rockindave1, marcoverch, mripp, marcoverch, Brett Jordan