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Hey, wassup? Now I'm a guy that's been glum most of his life, to the point, that it has sucked the life out of me, which in turn makes me suck the life out of others. (self-deprecating joke) But with the advent of change that I'm doing with myself (previous post, with my one year challenge), I find it both hard and not hard. The hard part is, of course, to rewire my brain. The easy part is how I see the connections and how all these things that I've heard and listened to in the past are some stuff that I'm hearing again, but never practiced. Obviously, to rewire your brain means to think in a different way, and I saw some of that when I went to a Toastmasters meeting. Truth be told, while I think differently to a lot of people, it's plateaued. A kick, a nudge, a push, is all I needed. And what most need. And I've been getting that from a bunch of people in the past two months, yet some ideas come at random, I guess, from seeing stuff in a different environment rather that a one-on-one chat. One such idea is the pen sketch that I'm adding below. Somebody else told me to write jokes about myself, which is something I don't do or talk about, and it spurred me to do some other stuff, plus actually write jokes, which I haven't been doing. Now, in regards to self-confidence, you might be thinking "but Adrian, you write and have done a lot of stuff on stage, surely you need some confidence for that." Yeah, but not always. A long time ago, like 8 years ago, when I was part of a Romanian student theatre called Podul (The Bridge), we had the late great teacher Catalin Naum, and he asked me and another guy why we want to act. While we came with a bunch of answers, he spoke up "Because you have something to say." And that's been something I've guided myself with. Regardless how you feel about my stuff, I do generally have something to say, even when I was in depression or close to anorexia, I still had something to say, just not a platform to say it on. More recently, I've seen myself talk and get helpful tips on how to improve, on a confidence level, or rather, on the self-love department. Not to be confused with the love department. They're different things. Findings some strengths and things that I like is easy. Finding something nice to say about myself is hard. Saying that in the mirror is next to impossible at the minute. Why? It feels insincere. I know a girl that does that and she radiates. There's a story about two potted plants. One plant has niceties told, like you're lovely, you have nice petals, a strong green colour, and whatever compliment you can think of. The other plant has only bad things said to it, like you're poison, you're scum, you attract ants, I hope you die. The first one grows to be beautiful, whereas the second whittles away until it's no more. I, for the most part of my life, have been the second one, and it's been much easier for me to write the bad things than the compliments above. As you can see, it's hard. Not impossible, but hard to change myself. However, I'm having a positive attitude at the moment, and that's what I (and you, if you're like this) to have. Until next time, George, out.
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Yo... As if the challenges don't stop, I challenged myself to change my life in one year. Why now? Well, I'm in a good situation, having moved to a new place recently, where I can actually feel like a person and not a doll living in a cupboard or a drawer, as you do when you live in London. Some creative stuff are picking up more than in the past, like acting, improv, physical theatre, and comedy, and as long as I stay away from "real" jobs and do artsy stuff, I'm glad. Now, one of my challenges is to make myself happy, which I've never been, I don't think. And more than anything, I realized in April that I can never be happy, but that doesn't mean that I'll stop trying. There have been times in my life when I've been in bliss and enjoyed myself aplenty, yet that "happy" part has eluded me every time. Can a perpetually glum person, not a pessimist or negativist, but a guy who has put "but" in front of him more often that he should have, as someone once told me a while ago, become happy? We'll just have to see in a year's time. One of the things that I haven't mentioned, as you do when you improvise and don't have a script, is to work more self-employed. Nothing wrong with working for others, because, in essence, everybody is working for everybody. Including people like Jeff Bezos, Warren Buffett, Mark Zuckerberg, and Elon Musk. They're also working for themselves to provide something to others, which is what I've been striving for a number of years, although I can see why it has lacked in certain departments over the years. That needs to change. My life in London is going to get a hell of a lot more challenging for the next year. And from where I am to the final destination is a lot of work, however, I'm confident in the good things that I aspire to do. Peace. P.S. I know I say Elmo in the clip, for I legit forgot it's of Animal. Oh, well, what can you do? 'Sup? A while ago I decided to do vlogging, and while initially I thought I'd start it to talk about some experiences I've had, and while I'm still going to talk about that, I'll talk about other stuff, too. One of them will be in regards to challenges, holding myself accountable, and improving. Or in other words, documenting my process and (hopeful) evolution. I improvise most of the things that I do, including my vlogs, and in my previous one, I challenged myself to do this comfort zone challenge of lying down on the street. You can watch the clip below. Anyway, it's all about challenging yourself, getting out of some funk, becoming better, and maybe, just maybe, some of you will get what I do and inspire you, too. Inspire is a strong word that holds a lot of weight behind it, but I'm a dreamer. Sometimes I'm a realist, but I'm mostly a dreamer :) I don't know where I'll be a year from now, other than still in London, however, I'm excited about what's coming up ahead. Today is May first, 1st, 1, or however you wanna call it.
The universal "work day" everywhere, although it's a bit different in Romania. Not only is it the day where nobody works (well, almost nobody. I mean, the TV channels still work.) but it's the day where people go to the seaside. I'm from Bucharest, the capital, and going to Constanta, where the seaside is, takes over 2 hours by car, over 3 by minibus, and probably over 5 by train. 6 if it's raining, 8 if it's extra sunny. I'm not sure if people from other parts of the country are going, but those from Bucharest are mental about it. So much so that they're dropping everything to jump on the next ride there. Imagine playing that online game with your mate and just before you go in a group setting, to mine or raid or whatever you do in online games, and the douchenozzle suddenly drops out. You'd end up like that meme with "FUUUUUUUUUUU". But they don't care, they're on a mission. The mission to go to Constanta, see the beach, spend the night there, and...return the next day. To be fair, I've never been, although I've been invited a couple of times, but things happened. I'm not your standard person from Bucharest, after all. I can see the appeal, especially if you're a student, and it's like a day trip or day and night trip to the seaside, to enjoy a bit of r&r, put your feet in the sand, sea, and something else. All in all, a chilled atmosphere with some drunken idiots running around naked, or putting their cars in the sea. Probably the most bohemian period of the year in the country. Keeping proportions, the anual hippie period. If it had plenty of concerts, it'd be like Woodstock, with better conditions. |
AuthorWriting fictional stories or about real life people and situations. Archives
August 2021
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