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Life is strange, innit?
You often go through life wondering why you're like how you are, only to read articles online detailing info on how a personality is, and you somewhat see yourself into that. Then you see different personalities with different attributes and all of a sudden you're an RPG character from some '90s video game, minus the creature-killing, the life-losing, and the epic quests, but with more angst and agony than a dog in a shelter. Erm...what? I often read how introverts are hardwired differently than extroverts, and how they're such pests to us, yet they're not that different. Well, they are more outlandish, and they're the salesy kind you hate in stores, that's why you've started shopping online, right? But deep down, they're not that different. They also consume themselves, they also go through periods of anxiety and self-discovery and mistrust, distrust, self-trust, and other lacks of trust out there. It certainly did come as a shock to me that extroverts, these big, loud-mouthed people that say and do whatever they feel, making us introverts wither away like autumn leaves before the impending snow, actually crave some alone time. I know, mind-blowing. I blame it on the mass-media, especially movies, for these warped thoughts. I wanted to start the article with introverts, and I ended up putting the ending in the middle. Typical. But let's carry on. Introverts tend to consume themselves more than extroverts. It's not bullshit. It's from the fact that introverts spend more time alone, have a different way of seeing things, and enjoy "splitting the atom". There are no facts, but I'm pretty sure that most of the philosophers, scientists and psychologists from the 18th and 19th century (probably before that, too) were introverts, and were left alone with their doings. Again, I'm narrowing it down, mostly due to how the media has put these people into the public eye. However, it's widely known that Nikola Tesla and Isaac Newton were widely alone for most of their life, and at least in Tesla's case, he was disappointed by people. Because he had expectations, and he consumed himself. And this is where I wanted to get to. Expectations. Most of us go through life with certain expectations, some from people, some from gadgets, some from themselves. And while the latter two are a certain kind of expectation, the first one can ruin your mood in unexpected ways. It did mine, quite recently actually. Like the pondering introvert that I am, the kind that likes to split atoms to a certain degree, I've wondered why I let myself be conflicted with these feelings when I'm supposed to feel good by certain other facets of my life. The answer, at least the one that I came up with, is that I had expectations. Sometimes you have expectations because you care, other times because you are given a meeting or an expectation from someone and they flake out, for some reason or another. They are not similar, although they appear to be. Now, the question is "Why do you care? Why do you put pressure on yourself with such things?" A generic answer is because I'm an introvert. Another type of answer is because I tend to view certain interactions at a different level than most people and am upset when they don't come to fruition, at the expense of my own joy. Sounds maddening, I know, but it's what happens with me (probably with others, too), and will probably carry on until I'll actually stop caring about people, or I'm dead. Such a grim ending, I know. And I'm smiling, and the sun is shining after a horrendous rainy day in London.
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AuthorWriting fictional stories or about real life people and situations. Archives
August 2021
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