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And if I look around at the reason of why I became like this, I just can't see it. Others have been depressed, except that I let it affect me. Others have flaws, except that I let them affect me.
Yeah, I guess that's the word. Affect. It's natural to be affected by something, but not let it linger there for a while longer and make you bitter to no end. Even though it's not always like that. Life changes you, like it changes everyone, including me, and I'm tired of being in this slump. You do get tired of the same shtick every day, and the same "oh, woe is me!" ad infinitum, trust me, mirror, you do. So, other me, other Paul, the bloke in this glass that's staring at me with half-asleep eyes, should we let go of what's happened, not everything, but most of that trivial shit, and just go try some new things for a change? Like that girl with the great lips, when's the last time you went into a place and asked a girl out? Don't answer that. Let's not think about it, instead, count down the days until it happens. Live your life Paul, even though you think it's too late, live the last bits without being bitter. A smile? Cool. That's better.
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Now, you might be wondering why am I writing about this since there's a video out there talking about it, but I just wanted to say that it's a new series I'm starting. Don't know when or how it'll finish, however, I hope people'll enjoy stuff of what I'm talking about. Oh, and leave comments if you feel like it. Also, believe it or not, it's the first time I've seen myself this close from that angle, and I had no idea my nostrils were like that. I had ideas, but not like that. Weird, huh? And instead of talking about myself in the first episode, I talk about why I'm talking in Romanian. Because episode 2 is gonna be episode 1. Makes sense, I know. This is not gonna be a recurring blog post thing, I think. We'll see. Bye. Where was I going again?
My train of thought simply went away when I saw that girl and her lips. Mmm...solitude. Yeah, I think I was talking about sadness, and the life of a lonely guy. I think. How did I get to this point again? Looking back when I went to Uni, and tried to be friends with everybody, and how much I flopped doing that, I think that was the start of the ramshackle that became me. Angst, anxiety, and a hard time to dabble with people without getting involved and hurt. Every time I walk in this house, I stop in front of the mirror, look at myself while I turn my head from side to side, above and below, and simply wallop my face with smacks. But not today. I'm tired of hitting myself for something that isn't worth it anymore. These palms that feel like they've never worked hard in their life. No wonder I can't do anything else with myself. I'm sure there was something else after the educational part ended. What? "Hi," she says as I open the door. "We're looking for money this charity..." and I mentally block out what else comes straight after it. Another charity looking for money. I had to be home during the day, didn't I? This nonsense is wearing me thin like you wouldn't believe.
And it's a shame, cause she looks appealing. About 5 inches shorter than me, curly brown hair, fair skin with a touch of freckles near the round nose, and emerald eyes that could fetch real money if they were the stone. Oh, and lips so soft you could lose yourself kissing them all day. Mmm...I'd like to lose myself in them, too. Oh, shit, she's staring at me. How long has she been doing that? "Hi," I say as I brush my finger against my right cheek. "Um, I'm donating to three charities right now, and can't really afford a fourth one." Wow, such a lie. "Sorry." "Oh, that's okay. Is there anybody else in the house that may want to donate?" "Not right now. They're home only in the evenings." "Oh, okay. Can I leave a flyer?" She's still trying to keep a smile on, or a semblance of one. "Sure, yeah." "Great." She hands it to me, brights up her face and says "Bye. Maybe next time," leaving with a wink. I close the door and wonder what that was all about. Anyway, back to my thoughts. "Hi, my name's Paul, and I'm..." is how I start every chat. Still don't recall how everything started, but I give the same introduction to everybody I meet. And it zaps away the energy like you wouldn't believe.
I sometimes wish I could switch my head like you do with lightbulbs instead of sighing every day like an office worker with a razor in his hand. It's one of those things, I suppose, where you do stuff that you like, then you change for social and societal reasons, and then...you forget who you are. Or maybe you never knew who you were. And you're trying to search for something in a sea of nothing. God, it's one of those days, isn't it? When I'm so dramatic that not even the Danish skull could be rhetorical with me. *ring, ring, ring* Figures. Defining one's self has to be shunted by the doorbell. It better be worth it. Although if you follow me on Instagram and Facebook, you'll notice that I sometimes put food stuff around, like a pizza or a salad, or some random find that I discover, or looks appealing.
As I went to Romania, my native country, last month, for a whopping 3 weeks, and did a myriad of things, both creative and non-creative (but more on that in a different post), I enjoy the Romanian cuisine much more than the UK one. I can't say about the rest of the country, but I'm from Bucharest, the capital, and we have a mix of everything from around the regions, plus all the shops, so everything is accessible. However, as a vegan, I could barely find an acceptable biscuit salami that didn't contain rubbish ingredients. (ahem, yes, I'm one of those that check ingredients, thanks.) Biscuit salami, as with polenta, are one of the few amazing foods we have (there are more, but these are just two of my favourites), and is basically just cocoa, with some biscuit stuff (though this one doesn't have), and turkish delight, plus a few more things that I can't recall. So I bought a few of these for when I left the country, to sulk in my bedroom as I reminisce of my childhood, enjoying various sweets and foods that just aren't possible here (and I don't have time to cook, either). Right, to make a brief summary of what I said, if you ever go to Romania and have a sweet craving, go to any store and buy biscuit salami (I bought mine from Mega Image). Trust me, it's mesmerizing. Mmm...and I have 2 more left, and then I'll sulk some more... |
AuthorWriting fictional stories or about real life people and situations. Archives
August 2021
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Photos used under Creative Commons from TheDyslexicBook.com, edenpictures, [email protected], jurvetson, vwcampin, elias silveira ilustrador, pom'., Jimmy Benson, EpicTop10.com, MEDIODESCOCIDO, Brett Jordan, amslerPIX, jaypen_g, rockindave1, marcoverch, mripp, marcoverch, Brett Jordan