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I was recently in Brighton, and there I tried two things that I failed at. I know, it's not cool to say that you failed at something, but I've never been one to shy away from saying the direct thing (failed) as opposed to the more diplomatic thing like the Brits do (just not as good). As a kid, I never really had much. After junior school I had no friends as we split up in different high schools and I moved in a new borough. It was annoying and frustrating moving into a place where either kids were under 8, or most people were over 35. Nobody to befriend. I'm sure you've heard sob stories like this. However, let's get back to when I was under 10 myself. I had a few friends in my building block, and we'd usually play football, some random games like tag, catch, ducks and hunters, cops and robbers, card games, and other stuff, too. It was fun. And kids today won't really know that. Sounds like an old timer's thing to say, but it's true. You see, one of the things that I did back then was to climb trees, garages, and other concrete items. I remember one day I came home with some bruises on my thighs, yet nothing was hurting, all from doing slow rock climbing with my local abandoned builder's site. It felt great. Climbing things releases endorphins that make one feel good about themselves, because you're doing a challenge. It's like running that 5k in less than 25 minutes, or doing 10 straight laps in the pool when you could only do 2 without a break before. All of it is a challenge meant to make you better at something. And then you stop that something, and along the way you forget how it was. And bit by bit you forget about yourself as you go into another version of yourself. So, when I tried to climb a small pillar in Brighton last week, and failed at lifting myself on it, (although I didn't want to ruin my clothes and shoes, so there's that excuse), I was a tad annoyed at how I couldn't even do such a simple thing anymore. Before that, I tried to learn how to ride a bicycle. I never had one growing up, and barely had a friend who had one, but didn't want to share, so no wheel touches until later on in life. When I moved in the country, my cousin had one. I borrowed it for a couple of hours during which I nearly broke a bone under my kneecap. Fun times. I tried it again in Brighton, nearly 4 years after that, and could not go past the first pedal, even with the help of a biker-by. Failures are important. Some allow you to grow, some allow you to see what you can or cannot do, and some will make you frustrated with yourself and proceed to make comparisons with others, which is the wrong thing to do. Embrace your failures, and move on. Don't linger, but reminisce. Even the bad moments are better than not trying.
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I mean, with a title like that, this post better deliver, right?
I was reading an article today about how the EU is punishing, or wants to punish Google because, according to them, they're taking over the smartphone market by making 80% of the phones have an Android system. To their defense, Google said it competes with Apple. Which is true. If you look at the cell phone operating systems of several years back, you had Symbian, Java, some basic for of Android, and Apple. So, the people at Google saw a gap and kept going and going and going until nobody carried on. Hence why the Blackberry and Nokia sort of died (they're trying to make a comeback). It can be said the same about Samsung. They figured themselves the best thing on the market and carried on. They're still the top dollar here, even though you have a bunch of others like Huawei, Oneplus, HTC, and a bunch of others, including Google's own Pixel. I mean, we can go back in time and see that everything we're using has been from Microsoft. Yup, that nerd with glasses literally ruled the world. And yes, hipsters make me hate the word "literally" and not use. Oh, and that includes Apple stuff, since Jobs nabbed some programming from Gates. Again, eBay saw a gap in the market and made a resellable place for all our junk. Amazon? The same thing, but mostly for new things. And Amazon is striving on being a jack-of-all trades, with movies, series, and now pharmaceutical items. If you don't follow that stuff, I'll make it easier. Think about it in terms of dating. You have a bunch of guys vying for one girl, and this is not about the girl, but the guys. Sure, the girl is stunning, and can be seen as intimidating, but is she all that? Some of those guys think so, therefore they're taking themselves out of the initiative, others think they're not that good, and before you know it, the lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem killed them all. Yet, there's one guy who said "what's the worst that can happen?" No, he wasn't the best looking of them all, but he knew he saw something and figured he'd try his chance. If the worst that can happen is a no or maybe a some mock laughter, then he'd be fine. Like all those above, the worst thing that could've happened would've been bankruptcy, then either try again or work for some rubbish job for a while. Having the balls isn't gender-biased, it's courage and risk biased. When's the last time you used your balls? There have probably been 25 million articles and stories written about mistakes, from birth to nutrition to pornography and that time they did cocaine and enjoyed it more than they thought they did (truly, if you scour the interwebs, you'll find all sorts of stories).
In fact, everybody seems to enjoy other people's mistakes, from musicians like Keith Richards (who is somehow still alive despite the high alcohol and drug consumption), to comedians like Richard Pryor (who roasted himself in a set where he said he set himself on fire while freebasing), to actors like Cary Grant (whose last films were done when he was taking acid), and the list can go on. Bill Hicks has a joke about Jim Fixx, an American runner who became famous for his healthy lifestyle and wanting people to run because they live longer like that, but also died having a heart-attack while out on a jog. And Bill says something like "How is it possible that guys like me and Keith Richards, who drink, smoke, do drugs, party into the night, live longer than than a guy who does everything by the book?" Indeed, how? I reckon it to the bad boy-nice guy syndrome in women. Women say they want nice guys that are respectful, have some money, and don't cheat. But they get bored of that and go to bad boys who treat them like shit, make them pay for whatever, and sleep around whenever. If you're reading this and you're going "But that doesn't make any sense." No. Neither does life. It's about excitement, the adrenaline rush, and the need to not be good all the time. Because, in the end, how good can you be, man? If you want to talk religion, The Devil was the angel that turned into the apple-persuading snake to Eve. Did Eve like that apple? Hell yeah. Did she pay for it because the boss didn't like it? Of course. It's called being a salty sonofabitch. Look at Jesus (who now appears to be darker and darker in skin tone). He was a goody two-shoes who did everything right. He made people drunk, he gave them bad carbs, and he came back to life. And some jackass called Judas said "You know what, this guy is having so much fun, I want me some of that." In came the boys in skirts, with a cross, nails, and a bird's nest. The end result? Probably the first hardcore metal album cover. Ahead of it's time. What has Jesus' mistake? He was too nice. If you look today at what society is, you have a bunch of women with questionable attitudes, sex tapes, and a lack of school knowledge. You have a bunch of males who sometimes deceive and say the wrong things, but then they go away, come back later, and somehow it's okay again. No matter what feelgood Hallmark movie you watch, the world never had and will never have a good ending. Neither will life. It's just bits. Okay, so, donuts are bad, cookies are bad, pizzas are bad, but things would look so boring if all we'd eat is lettuce, you know? I'm gonna make some mistakes in the coming weeks. And I bought the tickets to do them. The question isn't "Why did you do that?" but "How will this improve you?" I've seen the above movie 4 times now, with the last time being last night.
Watching such a recent movie 4 times is an overkill for sure, however, I watched it in different phases of my life, which were 2 times in different stages of depression, one time when I felt sort of okay, yet I was still in some sort of limbo, and now, when I probably feel the best I've felt in years, like I how I used to feel before I moved in this country. The movie is about Davis Mitchell (Gyllenhaal) who goes through a tragedy and realizes he's emotionally void. Upon hearing some words from Phil (Cooper) he starts to be more observant and to figure out how to be himself. With that, he gets random help from Karen Moreno (Watts) and her son. Will Davis finally emote after years of repressed feelings? Now, here's why I can find myself in this character. He's also going through some depression/breakdown, but he's acting differently than I did. He's in a different environment and has at least one person pestering him with something. I had none, and that's also to do with surroundings, people. He was working in finance, with big numbers, and despite that, he became numb to everything else that was fun. He had a lovely and fun wife that tried to bring him out of his shell at times and he wasn't really interested. While I'll never have a job, and a wife, like that, I've been around people that tried to take me out of my shell, and sometimes it worked, sometimes I was too afraid. And then you see how other people are having great times being chill and you're seeing them as glitches (like how he saw Karen's son). His new habit involves him using something he's never used to get some kicks or an adrenaline rush, which looks like some sort of OCD. I've noticed some sort of OCD in myself in recent years, and while I haven't done construction work (but I'd really enjoy tearing down a house), I've gotten my kicks by doing a variety of things on and off stage, and some travelling, too. He's starting to have random encounters with people, either talking about his life to some random woman to demolishing walls for people who think he's crazy. You see, in life, if you allow yourself some fun, some out of your comfort zone thing, you get to experience all sorts of things, and all you have to do is tap someone on the shoulder and ask. Who knows where that goes. It used to work years ago, before technology went up a few levels. I sometimes wonder if our parents would've met or been as together as they are now if they would've had access to as much social media as we do. All in all, it's a movie about self-discovery following an incident that emotionally manifested itself in you (regardless if you're repressed or not) and how you changed after that. Oh, and the soundtrack is kick-ass. Yesterday was the London Pride Parade, and I had the chance to be in it.
No, I'm not gay, non-binary, gender fluid, transexual, asexual, or any other type. I'm simply pro people being themselves (which is funny since I'm not always myself around people). I do have a joke about how there are more types of sexuality (or lack of it) nowadays than maybe even 20 years ago, and it feels like maths, when at first you had plus and minus before all that hullabaloo came and filled your head (no, that's not the joke, it's just a summary). Getting back to it, there was a lot of fervor, plenty of people in outfits you wouldn't normally see on the streets in daytime, and a lot of noise. If you don't like noise, people cheering, and disco chants, this wouldn't have been for you. A bunch of buses with some floats, which I couldn't see much of as I was mostly behind one, so I simply smiled and waved. At some point, on Oxford Street, the most known high street in London (due to big shopping stores), our bus put on Geri Halliwell's "It's raining men" and a bunch of guys started dancing around me, whereas girls past the barricade, who came to look at the spectacle, started throwing their hands in the air. Nearer the end, as we Trafalgar Square, we had Madonna's "Vogue", and some of the males started doing something so choreographed it felt unreal for it to be made on the spot. Also, gay guys dance much better than straight guys. Or girls for that matter. It was definitely a different change of pace for me to be in a parade, since I always saw them in movies or simply on TV and figured it'd be cool to be in one, and now I had that opportunity. If you do have the chance to be in one, of any kind, do yourself a favour and do it. Oh, and I look kinda sad because I was underslept. Hard to be really smiley when you've slept 5 hours a day for the past 4 days, but I managed later on. My cheeks are still adjusting to my upper lip bending the other way. The food you eat is responsible for your behaviour and mood.
I mean, look at that picture. It looks so appealing you'd have your cheat day in the next hour, and not at the end of the week or whenever. Yet, despite the appeal, it's not exactly healthy. And no, this isn't one of those posts about eating the right thing. It's about mistakes in the kitchen. You see, no matter how hard you try, you'll eventually make a mistake. Eat something you vowed not to eat anymore because you knew how it made you feel, yet you still ate it. Why? Either a visually appealing thing or an ease of access thing, or both. Like the burger above, it's both. You want to eat those salty fries, that cheese-topped patty, despite knowing how your mood will swing just half an hour later. "To err is human" is a saying. "Doing the same thing hoping for a different outcome is the definition of madness." is another. When I was a skinny sonofabitch, I ate a lot of of stuff, some unhealthy, yet I didn't gain weight back then. It's slightly different now. Besides age, the thing that has changed for me is the lack of exercise. When you're not as active as you used to be (and I used to run 3 times a week, and do yoga and some calisthenics on the other days, whereas now it's mostly walking with the occasional run and workout) everything changes. I've worked to get my weight down after the last depression, and like I said above, I've vowed to stop eating junk food. Yet, the ease of access at times is annoying. I've lived in two countries and have traveled to a bunch of others, all in Europe, and I live in the unhealthiest country in Europe as far as I know. You see, the UK is unhealthy because of the ease of access to crap food. There are some shops that have more lanes of crisps and popcorn instead of real food. And I get it, sometimes you're more inclined to buying mango juice than an actual mango. Cost-effective and longer lasting. And less messy, too. Most of the stuff here is pre-packaged. When my parents visited me some years ago, they asked me why the salad was pre-washed. That doesn't exist in most countries. Other than maybe USA, which I've yet to visit. When people are drunk in this country, they buy chicken wings and nasty burgers. They buy kebabs in Romania. A much healthier meal that's gonna wake you up in a better state reather than hugging the toilet. I was in Subway recently. in the Romanian one I had a lot of choices, including falafel and bread that didn't contain milk. In the UK one, not only did they not have any suitable breads (seriously, every store has at least 3 house brands, how hard can it be?) but they didn't have anything other than regular salad stuff. And one final ease of access meal. The meal deal. A sandwich, rather small, a drink, and a snack where most people get crisps, for a stellar 3 pound price. It's 4 pounds in some places, and those ones actually have good food. But still, people here have a warped sense of food. Baked beans on toasts, crisps on bread, and they wonder why their teeth is black, missing, or in the dentist's office. It's definitely a first world thing. A mistake that people here make every day, and I also make once in a while. If it's this bad here, I can't imagine how the USA is. |
AuthorWriting fictional stories or about real life people and situations. Archives
August 2021
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